


Black Sheep

by Tshilaba



Category: Fire Emblem: Kakusei | Fire Emblem: Awakening
Genre: Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Trans, mtf
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-05
Updated: 2015-12-05
Packaged: 2018-05-04 20:05:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5346899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tshilaba/pseuds/Tshilaba
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Regardless of what we may look like on the outside, we're not really all that different. Some people just cannot see it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Black Sheep

“Here!”

Blue eyes stared intently for a moment. “Why would I want _that_?”

His face fell a bit as he pulled his hand back. “I...I thought you would like it. You're my best friend, and this is my favorite rock, so--”

“Look, I appreciate that you like rocks. But it's just a rock. I gotta pick up Lissa from Maribelle's.”

“Chrom, wait, I...”

“I'll see you later, Robin,” he said, waving but not turning back as he walked off.

Robin sighed, his hand clenching around the rock as it fell to his side. It was a greyish blue, just like Chrom's eyes. It had always made him think of Chrom....

“That was rude,” a voice said behind him.

“Oh. Hey, Tharja,” he replied listlessly.

“I would have gladly accepted a gift from you,” the raven haired girl went on quietly.

Of course she would. She'd been obsessed with him since they met two years ago, not long after his eighth birthday.

“Here, Tharja,” he said, turning around and pressing the rock into her hands. “Keep it.”

“But...Robin...”

“It's fine.” He smiled even as she blushed furiously. “I know you'll appreciate it.” _And I don't have to be reminded of those sick thoughts._

“T-thank you!” she stammered.

He nodded and went home.

* * *

No matter what he did, the thoughts wouldn't go away. Maybe it was the exposure to sex so early in his life. Maybe it had fucked him up to know his sorry excuse for a father only came around to fuck his mother or smack him around.

Robin sighed and ran a hand through his hair tiredly. There had to be _some_ way to fix this. Maybe it had been in front of him the entire time.

Or behind him, as it were.

“Tharja, may I ask you something?”

“ _Anything_.”

“Can you maybe stand in front of me? It feels awkward saying this with you behind me.”

She edged in front of him slowly and then stopped, her bangs falling in her eyes and making them difficult to read.

“Okay, so... I know you've liked me for a while, but... Would you like to be my girlfriend?”

She was silent for a while and he was almost certain this was going to blow up in his face when she looked up at him, her eyes wide with excitement he'd only ever seen when she and Henry had pranked the SAT proctor. “Do you mean it?” she asked.

He nodded and watched as she covered her mouth to suppress her squeal. “Can I take that as a yes?”

“Of course! But that means Nowi needs to stop following you like a lost puppy. You're my boyfriend now; you're off the market.”

“Was I ever really on it to begin with?” he said, only half jokingly, but she didn't seem to hear him as she tangled their fingers together and half-led half-tugged him down the street.

* * *

If anything dating Tharja meant that he could avoid staying around Chrom as much as possible. And, for a time, he forgot the fantasies. It was rather difficult to think about with her around. It wasn't that he had never paid attention to her; it was more that exposure to this particular side of her was a rather pleasant change. She had always been the rough and tumble sort. If not for her long hair, most of the boys would have considered her one of them. But dating her had shown just how very complex she really was, as multifaceted as a jewel. Oh, the things he had picked up from Maribelle...

When they were alone, she was softer, less guarded. And somehow, that only made him more defensive of her. She could handle herself in a fight, but the criticisms of others struck her like a cat o' nine tails. He hated seeing her break; he'd seen it all too well when puberty came.

Even though Emmeryn was much older, Tharja caught up to her quickly, going from the scrapper tomboy to the one who got wolf whistled in the halls. Their first day of high school, a senior had walked right up and flirted with her, dropping hints that he wanted to “rock her world” that weekend. Maribelle had stepped in and threatened to report him for statutory rape and chased him away with her parasol, and Robin had never been more grateful for it in his life, until she came back and smacked him upside the head with it, lecturing him for not saying anything.

Tharja had shoved away from both of them, bolting down the hall. Robin finally found her in the back corner of the library, her face buried against her knees.

“I can't take it!” she'd said, voice tight but muffled by her knees. “No one gave a damn before now. I was just one of the boys. And now I have adults trying to have sex with me. I never asked to be a 32C!”

Robin had given her his jacket; it was large enough she could hide most of her figure in it. He'd watched her as she pulled the hood over her head and mumbled “It smells like you...”

He sighed at the memory as he came into the living room to find her curled up on the couch, in likely nothing but his jacket as her aqua and green striped underwear peeked out from underneath it. He sat down beside her on the couch. “Tharja?” he said, squeezing her thigh gently. “Are you feeling bad?”

“Mm...a little,” she mumbled as he helped her sit up.

“Were you just missing me, or...”

“My head hurts too.”

“Do you feel nauseated?”

“Mm-mm. I took some aspirin a little while ago, but it still hurts,” she said, crawling into his lap and wrapping her arms around his neck as she buried her face against his shoulder, one leg hanging off the side of his lap.

He sighed and rubbed her back gently and kissed her neck. She made a small sound, but didn't squirm away from him. “Hey. I've been gone all day and all I get is you collapsing on me? Where's my kiss?”

She lifted her head to look up at him. The circles under her eyes were much darker than he remembered them to be, and her eyes were more grey than their normal hue. She leaned forward and kissed him softly and, though she opened her mouth against his own, letting his tongue slip between her teeth, he could tell she wasn't seeking anything more than the contact of their bodies as they were. She broke away from the kiss and let her head fall back onto his shoulder.

He kissed her neck softly and she nuzzled him in return. “Do you want to make love?” he asked.

“Mm...I guess,” she said. “It might actually help my head...”

“Tharja.”

“Hmm?” She sighed. “Robin, what do you want me to do? Throw myself at you like a slut the moment you walk through the door?” She leaned back so she could meet his eyes. “We've been living together for years now. I thought this was just what we did.”

“Hell, I don't know.”

“Are you saying it's lost its meaning?”

What hit him the hardest was how quiet her voice was. It wasn't that their lovemaking had lost its meaning. It was just... After all these years, the feelings were back. Where every part of his body felt wrong. And somehow, only she could make him feel right... “No, of course not...”

“Then what are you saying, Robi,” she murmured, her hands coming up to cup his face, to tilt his chin up so that he met her eyes. “It's never seemed to bother you before when I just agreed with your libido.”

“It's not that...” He looked away. It shouldn't be this hard to speak to her, he thought. And yet it was. Painfully so, even. But if he couldn't trust her, then who could he trust? No one. That was exactly why...

“Robi?” She leaned her forehead against his, her hair falling around them. “Baby, what's wrong? Can't you tell me?”

“I...I don't know...”

She bit her lip and pulled away, climbing off of his lap and getting up.

“Tharja, wait, I...”

She looked at him sadly for a moment. “I've always tried to be there for you when you needed me, Robin. But if you don't tell me, I can't do anything.”

“It's not...it's not that I don't want to...I just...”

“You can tell me anything. I'll always love you, Robin.”

He swallowed hard, trying to find the words. “...do you promise?”

“I swear it.”

He looked down to his lap, fiddling with the tail of his shirt nervously. “You remember when I asked you to go out with me in our sophomore year?”

“Yes.” She sat back down slowly.

“Well...I kind of did it to get Chrom off my mind. Don't get me wrong, I love you, I swear. I just...”

“You have a guy crush on Chrom?”

It was a question, not a statement. She'd never been one to assume things, and this wasn't the first time he was immensely grateful for the fact. “I...no, I don't think so. It's more than that, I think... Like how I feel about you.”

“I see...”

“But I don't love you any less!”

“You just love Chrom too.”

“Yes...”

She was silent for a moment, her hands buried in the pocket of the jacket as she pulled her feet up onto the couch near her butt. She looked up at the ceiling. “Why did you think I would be mad about that? Did you think I would leave you just because you wanted Chrom's dick up your ass?”

Maribelle would have been horrified at her word choice, but Robin was long since used to it. “It's...it's not like that...”

Her eyes flicked to him, staring at him intensely. “Meaning?”

“I...I don't want him...like that...”

“Then what _do_ you want?”

“...I want to...to have sex with him like a girl would...like...you have sex with me...”

One brow disappeared further into her bangs. After a moment she said “Robin, have you ever considered the reason for those feelings?”

“N-no,” he stammered. “They're unnatural. Disgusting and wrong. So I've tried to forget them. They're more wrong than wanting his dick up my ass. They're...not right...”

“Don't lie to yourself,” she said, looking back up at the ceiling. “If homosexuality weren't natural, then animals wouldn't exhibit it.” She went silent for a time. “You said you wanted to have sex with Chrom like a girl would. Is that the only time you wish you weren't male?”

“Wha...” He looked at her in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“You said you weren't gay for Chrom. So that must mean that at least sometimes you experience feeling like a gender other than the one you were born.”

“...I never thought about it that way...I guess you could be right...”

“Pretty much.”

“Well...to be honest, sometimes I don't feel like any gender. But I never feel like I'm supposed to have a penis.”

Tharja's eyes closed and she pursed her lips. “So...why have you had sex with me all these years?”

“What?”

 

“Don't play stupid, Robin Truss.” She opened her eyes. “We've been having sex for the past seven and a half years. Why? If you didn't feel like you're supposed to have a dick, why did you do it?”

Her voice sounded so...hurt. It almost broke his heart. “Tharja, it's not like that, I swear. I love you.”

“You keep saying that, but what am I supposed to think when you say you don't like your body?”

“You're the only one that makes me feel right,” he said.

She looked at him in confusion. “What?”

“I don't feel like this is the right body, but...” He managed to work her hand out of the pocket and laced their fingers together gently. “When I'm with you...I don't know. I just feel okay. I feel like me. Like...everything's alright.”

“Robin...” Her cheeks were turning pink, like they used to when she was younger.

“I love you, Tharja. And your love makes me feel alright. _That's_ why I've had sex with you. Why I still do.”

“Oh, baby...” There were tears welling up in her eyes and, before he could quite register what was happening, her lips were pressed against his and they tumbled back against the couch as she kissed him. “I love you too,” she murmured, pulling away.

He reached up and ran his fingers through her hair. “So...”

She giggled and kissed the tip of his nose. “I would hope you wouldn't want to get me horny just to leave me hanging.”

“I wouldn't dream of it.” He let his thumb drift across her lips where she nipped at it playfully “Bedroom?”

“Sure.”

* * *

He looked over at Tharja.

She'd curled up on her side in her sleep, her hair falling along the pillow and mattress, her back turned to him sometime in the night.

His heart felt so much lighter since he'd told her. Why hadn't he done so earlier?

He got up and pulled on a pair of pants, walking downstairs to the kitchen. _Huh. I guess Alexa hasn't come home yet_ , he thought. Tharja's parents often drifted in and out of the house on different schedules.

The house was technically already signed over to them, but because both he and Tharja were working part time while they went to college, her parents covered most of the bills. In return, they kept their room for...whenever they happened to be home.

Robin ran a hand through his hair tiredly. Maybe he should make breakfast. It was still incredibly early, but at least they would get some food into their systems then. He opened the refrigerator and pulled out the egg carton, opening it to count the eggs.

They'd have to go shopping soon.

He set the carton on the counter and pulled out a measuring cup and a frying pan. He cracked a few eggs into the cup and stirred them together with a fork. “I wonder...” he mused aloud.

“Wonder what?”

He glanced up to see Tharja leaning against the doorway, arms crossed loosely under her breasts. She'd pulled one of his shirts on before she left their room. “Oh, morning, Tharja. I'm just making breakfast. I was going to make omelettes. I was just wondering what to add to them.”

“Mm.” She crossed the kitchen and reached around him, brushing against his arm as she took an apple from the fruit bowl. “What about this?”

“You want...apples in the omelettes?”

“Why not?”

“Just curious.”

She smiled softly before leaning up to kiss his cheek. “I'm joking,” she said, taking a bite out of the apple. She chewed and swallowed before continuing. “Why not make it healthy?”

“You need meat on your bones,” he chided playfully, nudging her.

“Having meat on my bones is different from being fat, Robin,” she said. “And you need to eat healthier anyway.” She took another bite of her apple before setting it on the counter and opening the refrigerator once again.

“I eat more often than you do.”

“I said healthier, not more often,” she shot back, crouched down to dig through the vegetable drawer.

“Your ass is showing.”

“Like I care. You've seen my underwear since we were sixteen.” She pulled out a head of lettuce and two carrots. “You do know how to cook lettuce without wilting it, right?”

“Hell no.”

She rolled her eyes before tossing the carrots to him which he caught deftly. “It's not hard. You just have to stay focused.”

“I do.”

“Right...” She walked over to the stove and bumped her hip against his gently. “Move over. I'll show you. Just make sure you're watching this time.”

He stuck his tongue out at her and she reached up and flicked his nose.

“I mean it, Robin, pay attention. You're almost twenty four. You need to learn how to cook.” She washed the lettuce and then pulled the cutting board down from an overhead cabinet and a knife from the drawer. “Honestly, what would you do without me?”

“Um...eat ramen every day?” His response earned him an elbow to the side. “Well you asked.”

She sniffed and proceeded to chop the lettuce, before lifting the cutting board and tipping its contents into the eggs. She took the fork from his hands and whipped the ingredients together easily. She pulled the olive oil from a bottom cabinet, where she always stored the things she used in her cooking so they were easily accessible, and splashed a few drops into the frying pan, spreading it around before before putting it on the burner and turning it on. She turned and plucked the carrots from his hands, washing them and mincing them before adding them in as well. When the pan was sufficiently heated, she poured the eggs into the pan, letting them slide into a flat sheet across the surface.

He couldn't help but admire her when she was like that. She was truly gorgeous when she was passionate about something. And cooking was most certainly a passion of hers. It had once taken Maribelle three months of cajoling and an entire series of books to convince her to bake enough for the church bake sale during their junior year, though. She preferred not to be in the limelight. She would have let Maribelle or even Olivia take all of the credit for the sweets, but Maribelle wouldn't hear of it.

“Are you even fucking watching?” The edge to her voice was more from exasperation than true anger, but he still jumped and apologized quickly. She sighed and shook her head. “You're damn lucky I love you...” she muttered, flipping the omelette over before setting the pan down again.

He wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her back against him gently. “I know. And I love you too.”

She kissed his cheek. “You're such a dork.”

“But I'm your dork.”

She rolled her eyes and turned her attention back to their food. She flipped the omelette out onto a plate and cut it in half carefully. “Robin...”

“Hmm?”

“About last night...” She turned and looked at him. “What do you want to do?”

“What do you mean?” he asked, taking the plates over to the dining room table in the next room and sitting down as she followed him with the silverware.

“I mean...about the gender thing. Do you want to transition?”

“We don't have the money for that,” he said.

“I know. But if we did would you want to?”

He took her hand gently. “Tharja, I know I want a family with you.”

“There are other ways to have a family. It doesn't have to be traditional. Hell, _we're_ not traditional.”

“I meant it when I said you make me feel alright.”

She looked at him, studying his face, trying to find something to prove he was lying to her, even if only to keep from hurting her. But he wasn't. She sighed softly. “Then where do we go from here?”

“Is there anywhere to go?”

“Robin, I want you to be comfortable. So if there's anything you want me to do--”

“I don't like being referred to as a boy,” he put in. “It's always sort of bothered me.”

“Then you'd prefer she/her pronouns?” She seemed very earnest to please, even more so than she usually was.

“I...would you? Even if it's just us, I...”

“Robin, I would do anything for you,” she said. “Absolutely anything.” She smiled softly before leaning across the table to kiss Robin's cheek. “Besides, I kind of like getting to say “my girlfriend”, even if it's only in my head.” She giggled.

Robin smiled. “Thanks,” she said. “I love you, Tharja.”

“I love you, too, Robin.”


End file.
